looking back with thanksgiving

August 5, 2008

That was a normal Sunday (March16, 2008), my daddy preached his sermon, we ate lunch at church, & we stayed for some church meetings.
"Pray mo na ko daddy, papasok po ako ngayon eh, pero uwi ren po ako agad". My daddy laid hands on me & prayed. I kissed him on the cheek. I waved my hand "bye!" Never thought it would be the last glimpse of my alive & very well father.
I went to office, did some payroll works. I checked on the time, it was already 6pm. I tried calling at home (I think twice), no one answered. I stayed for another hour at the office. & finally I decided to go home.

As I entered our living room, I saw my mom crying with my unconscious dad in her arms. That was an unexplainable scenario. I immediately ran to my dad’s side. The only words slipped into my lips were "daddy, si ayi to." He replied with just a groan. Tears began to fall from my eyes. We brought daddy to the hospital. My hands & feet were really cold, my toes were shaking. My tears never stopped pouring out from my eyes.

At the emergency room, the nurses pricked some needles; put some tubes, etc. to my daddy’s hands & arms. I didn’t see anything & anyone at that room. My eyes were only focused to my unconscious dad, with my crying mom & kuya. As I remember, the words I kept on saying that moment were "Lord please" At that moment, the doctor still didn’t know what happened. We stayed at the emergency room. I kept on calling the nurses every time there’s an unusual thing that was happening to my daddy. (At that time, I wanted the nurses to be transformed to heroes, so that they could rescue my dad). My mom initiated to pray for our daddy. Still unconscious, but I knew he still heard our prayer. We were crying. I kept on whispering to my daddy’s ears how much I love him, that he should wake up, because he still have many things to do. I couldn’t sleep. I kept on saying these words "Lord please"

The following morning (March 17, 2008), the doctors already transferred my dad to a private room. Medical tests were given to my daddy. I had the chance to text all my churchmates, friends, etc. to pray for my dad. I kept on crying, tears never stopped from pouring out of my eyes (now I understand the meaning of bucket of tears). Visitors came. Many of them. Thank the Lord for them. The pain & hurt inside us were somehow eased. Until the doctors came with the results. Of course it was a bad news (I think doctors never bring good news). My daddy’s life was at stake. The moment they said the cause of my daddy’s unconsciousness (I won’t elaborate anymore) and where would it lead. That was a heart breaking moment. It’s like the world weighed on our shoulders. Of course, tears burst out from our eyes again.

My daddy lasted in that private room for almost 5hrs, and he needed to be transferred again to intensive care unit. Respirators were already put to my daddy’s body, in order for him to breathe. Many visitors came again. As in many. Churchmates. Friends. Colleagues. Neighbors. Relatives. They somehow ease the pain inside us. But when night approached, it was like a never ending night. So dark. So lonely. I couldn’t sleep. I lost my appetite. I hardly think that time.

In my mind, I kept on conversing with the Lord. There was a great battle inside me. I kept on saying to Him "Lord, please speak to me, even a piece of word, to assure my daddy’s life" As hours passed by, I’m beginning to be confused on what to ask the Lord. Whether to spare my dad’s life, to still hold on, to still hope for his recovery, or to give my dad’s life to the Lord’s hands. I kept on asking the Lord "Lord please speak to me."

The Lord remained silent. He remained quiet. He never spoke a word.

All I can feel in that moment of my life was the Lord’s ever loving presence. He gave me peace Peace that passeth all understanding. I didn’t hear anything from Him. But I felt His grace & mercy that was overflowing to us. Total dependency to the Lord was one of the things He taught me. To sing praises despite of so much hurt; to be thankful for His goodness & faithfulness; to trust the Lord, even if I didn’t have any idea what He’s been doing; to accept His will, even if I didn’t understand it; that His ways and thoughts are much higher than mine; and to let His will be done.

My daddy already went home with our loving God (March 20, 2008) And I’m sure he’s already enjoying there. And I’m so much happy with that = ) I’m thanking the Lord for He allowed me to have 22 colorful years with my daddy. For me, he’s still the greatest dad in the whole world (I kept on telling him that when he’s still alive) No grudges. No questions. Just a grateful heart ^_^

The Lord gives. The Lord takes, may His name still to be praised. Job 1:20