running away. running back

January 16, 2008

It feels like I’m choked. I’m running out of breath. I’m running out of oxygen. Feels like the water stops from flowing. It feels like dry, cold, thirsty, hungry, tired, exhausted, incomplete, and lonely. It feels like I’m alone, drowning, confused, wretched, pauper, naked, broken, and empty.

It's when I’m running away from my father. Jesus.

I’ve been so busy with selfish things in my life lately. Caught up, occupied, bombarded & fed up by the things in this world (work, negative things, negative people, selfish thoughts, confusing future plans, etc.) Little by little, I’m allowing myself to run away from being close to the Lord (without knowing it) and I’m foolishly justifying it by saying to myself "Lord, malapit pa naman ako dba?" even though my acts didn’t say so. I still have time with Him but He’s the last resort. It’s when everything’s done or when I’m already tired and helpless.

Until the enemy, the snake, the python, bit by bit also, tightens its body, for me to run out of oxygen. Out of breath until nothing is left.

But the Lord loves me so much. He forgave me. He accepted me again. He didn’t allow me to fall away from Him completely. That He still rescued me from the enemy. He restored me once again from drowning. He took me back from my world and placed me again to His world. He brought back the breath of life. He clothed me. He wrapped me in His loving arms again. Showed me once again His perfect will for my life. He called me His own daughter. He gave me water & food. Allowed me to rest in His presence again. In Him, I gained strength. Felt unending, inexplicable & incomparable love, grace & mercy.

And now, I’m running back again to my father. Jesus. = )