they might be your rewards

May 13, 2009

Ayi: Hi Lord = (
Jesus: Hi sweetie = ) What makes you sad? I want to hear it from you.
Ayi: I’m hurting = ( I’m having a hard time now dealing with my disciples and cell group members. I don’t know if they are really willing to be with me. If they follow my instructions (instructions from You of course) out of love or out of mere obligation. And it really hurts me if they're making all kinds of excuses not to follow You. *sigh* Lord, I’m also confused, maybe the problem is myself! Maybe my efforts aren’t enough. Or maybe a consequence. Or I’m just reaping of what I have sown. I’m not complaining Lord. I’m just pouring out my heart to You. I know You understand me. = (
Jesus: Yeah, I do understand. You're not the only one who's experiencing it. I, myself also gone through it. Remember?
Ayi: Yeah. But Lord, I’m just wondering, how did You handle Your disciples? Do You get disappointed? Did it also hurt sometimes?
Jesus: Of course, I do get disappointed sometimes. Do you remember the scenario when I prayed in the mountain of Gethsemane and instructed them to keep watch and pray also? What did they do? They slept. = p And how about peter who disowned me three times? And of course Judas. Who betrayed me for 30 pieces of silver coins..= p
Ayi: Aaww! If I were their leader, I would have punched them in the face! I would have punished them! hahaha! Just kidding = ( Because you know me Lord. My flesh is impatient. The kind of flesh that "If you don’t want to do this, then don’t!" "Who do you think is going to suffer anyway? Me? huh!" "You don’t want to follow? Fine! That's your life not mine!" “You don’t want to believe Jesus? Then suffer in hell!”
Jesus: hahaha! You have to work on your attitude sweetie ^^ hmmm. Oh well, honestly, I see some improvements. I’m not seeing the old Ayi. You’re nicer, sweeter and more kind now to them, hehe. You are now somehow able to control yourself to say those mean phrases. =D
Ayi: hihi. Thanks Lord ^^ I believe that it’s because I’m more responsible now in my walk and service with You. Never felt this close to You before. I’m trying very hard to make my journals daily = D To follow closely the G12 vision.
Jesus: Keep it up sweetie = )
Ayi: Lord, back to our topic earlier. = ( What will I do now?
Jesus: Press on! Continue the race! Let nothing move you! What you have said earlier are all normal. I mean, you will truly experience those things. Those hurts. Those struggles. Of course everything’s not yet perfect. You’re not in My home yet! You’re still there in the world, and you still have a lot to do. You still have a lot to learn and understand. Come’ on! In fact you still don’t have your 12 disciples yet.= p So better complete it asap.
Ayi: = D hehe..okay Lord! I will = )
Jesus: You know what sweetie. I have foreseen the perfect plan of my Father for me when I’m there in the earth. I’ve absolutely believed the purpose why I came down there. I’ve fully understood the reason why I have to go through all of those hardships. I’ve seen beforehand the outcome and the result of my sacrifices and step of obedience. That’s why I endured everything. The cost of leading my 12 disciples. The cross. I knew in the firstplace that the outcome and the result is YOU ^^
Ayi: waaah! T_T You always make me cry = ‘(
Jesus: it’s true sweetie ^^ oh well, I had the choice to make my disciples to become robots, and in one click, I can make them follow Me. I had the choice not to die on the cross. I’m able to do it. But I didn’t do it. ^^ I had to go through the process of molding my disciples (like what you're doing now) for you to know and to have the best example for doing it. I had to die on the cross for your salvation and everybody else. And of course I love you. ^^
What I’m trying to say is, you should foresee the outcome and what’s on the finish line. You should believe what I have prepared for you in the end for serving and loving Me. So that, you’ll strive harder, and that will keep you going ^^
Love your disciples and cell group members sweetie = ) Be more patient. Be more considerate. Be more responsible. I have given you them, because I know you can handle it and you can make it. ^^ I’m always with you. Don’t worry; I’ll give you more wisdom. Just stay close to Me. You may not know. Your disciples and cell members are your rewards = )